Who gives more eye contact at work, men or women?
Women give and seek more eye contact than men. In our culture we look at a person’s face while listening to the spoken words. We then look away while we are talking. We look back at the other person when we are done to signal turn taking in conversation. If women listen more at work (talk time is a function of dominance, status and power) they are also looking more.
Women also look at men’s faces more than men look at women’s faces due to the need to detect deception. In the recent past when women begin to date there was a goodnight ritual at the door. The young woman said, “I had a nice time” and the young man said, “I’ll call you.” If the young man called all was well. If the young man did not call the young woman felt deceived or duped. She took the goodnight phrase “I’ll call you” literally. Since her youth that woman has been studying the faces of men, looking for clues to truth or deception. I have seen women bend their backs grotesquely in order to keep an eye on a man’s face after he turns away.
What are the implications for women and men for eye contact at work? We seem to have a pattern of women looking and men looking away. Sadly, women may see men as arrogant or dismissive when they are simply behaving normally. Sadly, men may see women who give a lot of eye contact as flirtatious or approval seeking when those women are simply behaving normally.
Now let’s have some fun with eye contact. How do you know if someone is attracted to you? Friendly or romantic interest is conveyed through the eyes. The person approaches you (choosing to stand near you is a significant sign of liking). Their eyes soften as well as the area around the eyes; the lips may smile or relax. You share a secret and laugh. The person “takes you in” through the eyes and almost “holds” you within the gaze. You feel warmth and connection.
In a romantic scenario, the admirer approaches, gives the “adoring” gaze and looks steadfastly at the beloved. Look closely and you may see the admirer’s pupils dilate with pleasure! Our pupils dilate to take in more of what we find attractive, whether it is a piece of fruit or another person. If the gaze is returned, the two of them can become lost in the looking. In our culture it takes about three seconds of direct gazing before one or the other sends or receives a message of sexual interest. If the sexual interest is shared, we see them going into the heavy-lidded look of lust after about seven seconds…
This is why some men prefer not to look at women directly. They are afraid she can’t count!
Recent Comments