One day while working with an all male team of employees, I asked them to make a list of ways they showtheir wives or romantic partners how they demonstrate their love. I sorted the men into groups based on their preference for Thinking or Feeling in decision making.
Thinking preferenced men (approximately 65% of all men) make decisions using logic, critical, analytical thinking, and principle based criteria. Most engineers, accountants, cardiologists, and scientists prefer this function. Sometimes, when they fail to use the Feeling values, we call them Cold Pricklies. When they seek a marriage partner, they report looking for an “appropriate candidate”. They are hardwired to critique and fix.
Feeling preferenced men (approximately 35% of all men) make decisions that may include subjectivity, valuing most the impact the decision will have on people and considering the feelings of all involved. Counselors, writers, family practitioners, and marketing professionals typically prefer this function. Because of their demonstrated caring, we call them Warm Fuzzies. When they seek a marriage partner, they report looking for their soul mate. They are hardwired to appreciate and support.
Obviously, Thinkers feel and Feelers think. We simply prefer one over the other.
The first four items on the Thinking List are based on money and providing. The other items suggest that showing someone you love them involves physical activities. The list is practical, logical, sensible, and focused on safety and security.
The Feelers List more closely parallels the wish lists of most women. It even includes the word sacrifice, a word I have never seen yet on a Thinker list. Is it any wonder that the Feeling Men are called Babe Magnets? They are perceived by women as warm, caring, good listeners, and naturally seductive. Women favor feeling over thinking, 65% to 35%.
These men taught me a valuable lesson that day about differences. Thinking men show us they love us by installing an alarm system, providing a GPS, maintaining the home, scraping your windshield, replacing your tires, etc. While the Feeler may give you the fantasy, excitement, intimacy, and romance you may crave, this does not mean that the Feeler loves you more than the Thinker loves you. It just looks different.
Women, love your Thinking Men by recognizing how they show you they love you. Thank them for giving you safety and security. Love your Feeling Men by becoming more seductive than they are! That should keep them around.
Thinker Men listed these items in response to How We Show You We Love You
- Bring home money
- Pay the bills
- Provide security (money)
- Open a 401K
- Home maintenance
- Give guidance to the children
- Give you our time
- Give you space
- Give you physical attention
- Act like we enjoy the activities that you do
Feeler Men listed these items in response to How We Show You We Love You
- Tell you we love you (often, even daily)
- Remember important dates such as anniversaries, birthdays, etc.
- Give kind words, as we see listening as an act of love
- Take on household duties
- Kiss them often and always kiss goodbye
- Personalize greeting cards
- Send flowers or gifts for no reason
- Communicate, communicate, communicate
- Sacrifice for those we love
- Physical touch
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