The Thinker will value logical analysis in deciding issues and may be oblivious to hurt feelings that result. Thinkers consider emotions as just one more piece of data.  The Feeler uses feeling values to reach decisions.  Feelers consider logic as just one more piece of data.

 

Are You a Thinker who Feels or a Feeler Who Thinks?

Originally published in Today's Woman

By Anne Murray

 

If the descriptors on the left capture your preferences in decision making, you prefer to think first (T) and feel after. If the descriptors on the right apply to you, you prefer to use feeling values (F) as your first filter and then use critical, analytical thinking skills as your second filter to make decisions. Both ways of making a decision are useful; however, the best decisions are made when both thinking and feeling functions are used.

Thinker

Feeler

Makes decisions based on logic   Objective and analytical   Uses impersonal criteria for decisions   Easily reprimands people   Firm minded, skeptical   Holds to policy   Good at finding flaws   Important to be right   Does not need harmony   When pleased, may say nothing   May hurt feelings unintentionally   May appear cold, unfeeling, aloof   What you say is more important        than how you say it!

Decides based on how it will affect people   Is it right, wrong, good, bad?   Subjective criteria, situational   Avoids confrontation Personal and warm, trusting   Makes exceptions as needed   Good at finding assets   Important to please people   Wants harmony with others   Gives frequent positive feedback   May take impersonal remarks personally   May appear illogical or over emotional   How you say it is as important than        what you say!

In decision making, the Thinker (or T) will remove herself from the process as much as possible in order to be objective. The Feeler (or F) will interject herself into the process as much as possible in order to honor what is important to the people affected by the decision to be made. Each way of deciding triggers intense reaction to the opposite way.

The T is tough minded, impersonal, critical, confrontational and looks for principles involved in a situation. The T will value logical analysis in deciding issues and may be oblivious to the hurt feelings that result. Harmony with co-workers is relatively unimportant to the T. Convinced by cool, impersonal reasoning, the T wants to know the goals and objectives first. Although important, the T may consider emotions as just one more piece of data to be considered.

The F uses feeling values to reach decisions. F’s need harmony at home and at work. F’s enjoy pleasing people, even in little things and even people they don’t know! They are sympathetic, warm and personal in their approach to others. They feel rewarded when the needs of others are met. Enthusiastic, the F is convinced by personal information delivered with enthusiasm about how a plan helps people. F’s like to hear points of agreement first, before differences are discussed. While important, F’s consider logic as just one more piece of data to be considered.

Sixty percent of men prefer thinking while 60% of women prefer feeling in decision making. The typical scenario goes like this: Wife says, "I had a miserable day. The boss embarrassed me in front of everyone at the staff meeting this morning." Husband says, "I told you in January you shouldn’t send that memo." Husband feels good; wife had problem; he fixed it. Wife feels frustrated; she wanted to be heard and received, not judged and fixed! Wife thinks husband is saying, "Me Tarzan, You Jane…Me smart, You stupid!"

In relationships, the F looks for what is right in order to appreciate it, expecting the same in return. The T looks for what is wrong in order to criticize it. Problems occur when the F partner feels discounted or unappreciated by the T partner. As one of my F seminar participants said, "My spouse T’s on me constantly. I don’t know how much longer I can stay married." A T spouse often has no idea how deeply damaged the relationship is because the F spouse is reluctant to give criticism or to confront. The F simply hopes that the T will get it. The T won’t get it without some help from the F!

TIPS FOR PREVENTING AND RESOLVING CONFLICT FOR T’S AND F’S

If you are a T:

  Avoid giving feedback when you feel hard-nosed and critical.
  Prepare by first listing all the things the person did well.
  Confirm your appreciation for the person and her work.
  Listen to the person’s feelings, resisting the urge to "fix" her.
  Point out the impersonal forces in the workplace.

If you are an F:

Don’t respond when your feelings are out of control.
  Prepare for your response by focusing clearly on why you are angry.
  Listen to the T’s position and indicate understanding of the principles expressed.
  Explain your feelings objectively and demonstrate the logic in your position.
  If a policy needs changing, suggest how it should be done.

 

For further information on personality type or The Association for Psychological Type contact the author Anne Murray, qualified type trainer, at 270 / 781-3677 or email.  Anne speaks on many topics around the country.